Friday, October 30, 2009

Butchwaglar Halloween Costume Suggestions


Favre as Michael Jordan

Manning as Crybaby

Mangino as The Moon

Bill Belichek or Jerry Jones as God

Al Davis as a Rotting old corpse

Tiger Woods as Scrooge McDuck

Dennis Rodman as Brittany Spears

Arod, Jeter, C.C.,Texiera, Rivera as the Village people

Bonds, Palmeiro, Giambi as Jailbirds



Yes, Herr Butchwaglar is a bitter bitter little man!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Top 10 reasons there have been no Recent Butchwaglar Posts

10. Excessive laziness contributed to a…

9. Forgot the password.

8. Mr. T pitied them offline.

7. All posts written in Minnesota were drowned in the Brett Favre hype.

6. Rush Limbaugh’s bid to write for Butchwaglar was met with bad publicity.

5. Suspension due to the utilization of performance enhancing synonyms.

4. Writers too busy trying to explain “Tweeter” to JoePa.

3. Mark Mangino ate them…and likely ate a freshman as well.

2. Matt Stairs ate them…and likely ate a small child as well.

1. Electronic privileges were suspended after a fight between the nationally ranked editors and the preseason #1 writers.

Friday, May 8, 2009

The Royals and Star Trek

With today's movie premier, Butchwaglar asks what if the Royals acted out Star Trek in the clubhouse just for fun.

Captain Kirk (George Brett) – Really, Brett is truly the only choice. He is the franchise icon. He is the legend. He is the favorite player of most Royals fans born after he played, much like Kirk is their favorite captain. The captain showed he was never afraid to work the margins of the rules, bending the prime directive as he saw as appropriate or using just a tad too much pine tar. In the end we may debate Kirk vs. Picard, but Brett vs. Sweeny conversations always end swiftly.

Spock (Kevin Appier) – Really, did anyone ever see him smile. No really! Ever! Seriously!

Doctor McCoy (Hal McCrae) – Doctor Hal is fiery, cranky and loyal. He may not be a priest, social worker or preschool teacher, but he is still delivering the medicine fixing the swings of the hated cardinals.

Uhuru (Johnny Damon) – So pretty. Really, have you seen that hair!

Sulu (Bo Jackson) – Sulu, I mean Bo, was both a leader and a follower. He was able to both move the team and follow the leadership of his captain. His star was one clearly on the rise, captaining his own starship and being an all-star.

Chekov (Greinke) – He’s young. He’s talented. He’s at times conflicted. He will forever be paranoid about bugs crawling into his head.

Scotty (Whitely Herzog). Whitey gave it all

Redshirts (Calvin Pickering, Mark Quinn, Ken Harvey) – Thanks for coming boys. You played your roles, but were always expendable to our scriptwriters so your deaths were inevitable.


Your Fired

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Better check that definition of "retire" again

Things that make less sense than "returning" from "retirement" when you have not even missed an actual day of work...

- Flossing with razor wire.

- Rooting for the Raiders.

That's it.



Until next time, I'll be dreaming of the days when Favre's Farewell Tour and Favre's Comeback Tour were not annual events.

Ahh, memories.

A Royal Look Back - May 5, 2006

On this day, the fifth of May 2009, the Kansas City Royals sit atop the American League Central. They are 15-11, their offense has scored 20 runs over the past three games, and they feature a pitcher who is quickly becoming considered as one of the very best in baseball. Royals fans certainly haven't had things easy since a certain number 5 retired, so this success is much appreciated. Nevertheless, I find that one of the best ways to really grasp how far the Royals have come over the last few years is to compare lineups. As I type, Kyle Davies is tossing out the first pitch for the evening's contest against the Chicago White Sox. Three years ago today, the Royals v2006 also took the field against the White Sox. (That's the 2006 White Sox. Thankfully, there's no time travel involved. Butchwaglar is rather cautious of paradoxes. ) How do the 2006 Royals stack up against those of 2009? Read on to find out...

Catcher
2006 Royals - John Buck
2009 Royals - John Buck
Remember the whole "paradox" issue? Can a Buck really compete against himself? In this case, yes. 2009 John Buck, while playing just a part-time role, currently has a .913 OPS (on-base percentage plus slugging percentage... just know that anything over .900 is impressive). Meanwhile, 2006 Johnny's OPS on May 5 was just .592. It seems that three years can make a bit of a difference.
Advantage - 2009 Buck

First Base
2006 Royals - Doug Mientkiewicz
2009 Royals - Billy Butler
He whose name looks like a word jumble puzzle (It's an anagram for "zinc meet kiwi." Butchwaglar just read your mind, didn't they?), was a fine defensive first baseman. Unfortunately for the 06 Royals, defense at first base was about the last thing they needed to worry about. Things like pitching, hitting, and defense at 8 other positions probably should have been higher priorities.
Billy Butler on the other hand, won't soon be mistaken for a glove-first first baseman. Granted, he continues to make steady improvement (he's even made some impressive plays in the field recently), and he's not the worst fielding first baseman on the roster (congratulations, Mike Jacobs), but his true value comes at the plate. Butler hasn't been as productive offensively as expected yet this season, but he has still topped Dougie's production.
Advantage - 2009 Butler

Second Base
2006 Royals - Mark Grudzielanek
2009 Royals - Alberto Callaspo
It seems we're faced with another defense vs. offense debate. Grudz was strong in the field and steady at the dish, but thus far in 2009, Callaspo has been far more productive than expected. Alberto has gone from being one of the final players to make the Opening Day roster to being tied for the Major League lead in doubles. He's hitting .378 with a .996 OPS, and, while he's not Grudzielanek, has been steady in the field.
Advantage - 2009 Callaspo

Third Base
2006 Royals - Esteban German
2009 Royals - Mark Teahen
Esteban German was a utility player who could swing the bat and play several positions... Unfortunately, he never really fielded any of those positions well. Teahen, on the other hand, was a third baseman in 2006, but since then has seen time in right field, left field, center field, at first base, second base, and selling pretzels in the upper deck (this has not been confirmed). With Alex Gordon out due to injury, Teahen is having a chance to settle in again at third base, and it seems to have helped his offense. Entering tonight's game, he's third on the team in runs scored and second in home runs.
Credit goes to German, as he exited the May 5, 2006 game with an OPS of 1.094, but his playing time to that point had been sporadic enough (and his glove may or may not have been cast in iron) that he cannot get the nod over Teahen.
Advantage - 2009 Teahen

Shortstop
2006 - Angel Berroa
2009 - Mike Aviles
Both Berroa and Aviles had outstanding rookie seasons. Berroa was the American League Rookie of the Year in 2003. Aviles finished 2008 as the Royals Player of the Year. Unfortunately for both, it seems that they have been swinging their awards at pitches ever since. Berroa, now a backup infield for the L.A. Dodgers, has not posted an OPS over .693 since his rookie campaign. Meanwhile, Aviles enters tonight's game batting just .216 and having as many strikeouts as hits.
While the sub par number comparison may appear even (or even weighted in Berroa's favor), I refuse to give any consideration that Aviles might follow Berroa's career path.
Advantage - 2009 Aviles (Though possibly due to crooked judging)

Left Field
2006 - Emil Brown
2009 - David Dejesus
Emil came to the Royals as a journeyman outfielder in 2005 and, while he did knock in 81 runs in 2006, he also had so many adventures in the outfield that Michael Bay may be considering the project as a feature film.
Dejesus enters tonight's game second on the 2009 Royals in RBI. Which carries more weight - nearly leading a first place team in RBI or leading a team that started 2006 with a 7-20 record in RBI?
Advantage - 2009 Dejesus

Center Field
2006 - Kerry Robinson
2009 - Coco Crisp
Over the past week, Coco has made more highlight-worthy plays in center field than any Royal since Carlos Beltran.
Kerry Robinson once tracked a long fly ball and scaled the wall in effort to make a spectacular catch... Unfortunately, the ball wasn't in on the plan. It landed five feet in front of him on the warning track.
Advantage - 2009 Crisp

Right Field
2006 - Aaron Guiel
2009 - Jose Guillen
In Guiel's top season, he hit 15 home runs and knocked in 52 batters, providing a very pleasant surprise for the 2003 Royals. In that same 2003 season, Guillen hit 31 home runs while splitting time between the Reds and the Oakland A's. None of those facts really have much to do with the seasons in question, but who doesn't enjoy pointless facts? (Did you know Guillen removed an ingrown toenail on his own in February? I don't know what that says about a person, I only know what it makes me say... and that isn't printable in a family-friendly blog.)
Advantage - 2009 Guillen

Designated Hitter
2006 - Matt Stairs
2009 - Mike Jacobs
Matt Stairs is a strong hitter who, when used in the correct role, can be a valuable asset to a team (see: Phillies, 2008 World Champion). The Royals did not use Stairs in that role, as they were forced to play him on a near-everyday basis.
Jacobs is a hit-or-miss slugger. If he gets ahold of a ball, it's going a long way. If he doesn't, he will probably be sitting back on the bench, as he isn't one to take a walk (just 36, compared to 119 strikeouts, last season).
Before finding his way to the Texas Rangers (and then Detroit Tigers) in '06, Stairs hit 8 home runs in 77 games for KC. Jacobs entered this evening with four home runs in 24 games in 2009, and - as I type - just hit a ball so far to Kauffman Stadium's center field that it may have had to pay toll as it left.
Advantage - 2009 Jacobs (Although not by as large a margin as some might think. Did you know Stairs hit 38 home runs 10 years ago? He may look like a trucker, but the guy can hit the ball.)

Pitcher
2006 Royals - Scott Elarton
2009 Royals - Kyle Davies
Elarton started 20 games for the Royals in 2006 and... Who am I kidding? I can't try to put up any sort of argument for anyone on the 2006 Royals' pitching staff. The '06 Royals finished dead last in the American League in runs allowed, earned runs allowed, walks, strikeouts, wild pitches, and ERA. One might argue that a team of horseshoe pitchers could have been as effective as the 2006 pitching staff.
The 2009 Royals currently lead the American League in runs allowed, earned runs allowed, hits allowed, and ERA. It's as if general manager Dayton Moore found 2006's bizarro staff. (Thankfully.)
Advantage - 2009 Davies

There you have it. The 2009 Royals win in a squeaker. Final score: 2009 Royals 10; 2006 Royals 0. Whether you go by names or go by numbers, it's obvious the Royals have made big strides over the last three years. Instead of having their All Star representative be selected at the mercy of the league (I mean, congratulations Mark Redman), the Royals will approach the 2009 All Star game with two players that are among the very best at their positions in Zack Greinke and Joakim Soria. Times are good, Royals fans. Times are good.

Until next time, I'll be wondering how, with that lineup, the 2006 Royals actually won their Cinco de Mayo contest. I'm pretty confident that I actually thought they were a decent team at the time... Hindsight is an amazing thing.

Hola

It is Cinco de Mayo, and that can only mean one thing... it's time to introduce a new sports blog to the world. If you have trouble following that logic, you will fit right in here at Butchwaglar's Sports Emporium, as logic isn't exactly something we have a firm grasp of. Nevertheless, what we may lack in reasoning, we make up for in the ability to type coherent sentences... most of the time.

Have a look around (once we actually have some content, anyway) and let us know what you think. We're always looking for new ideas.

Until next time, I'll be investing all my cash in 1988 Topps baseball cards. The market will turn, friends, the market will turn.